no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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