never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
