Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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