Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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