I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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