I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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