I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
