**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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