I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
