3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
