im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
