I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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