We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
