We named our party play list daddy issues
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
