a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
