I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
