LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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