My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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