Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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