its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
