i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
