You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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