is your mom at the bar?
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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