she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
