I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
