i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
