You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
