the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
