Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
