Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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