I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
