God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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