Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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