Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
