my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
