So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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