Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
