Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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