walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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