Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
