I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
