i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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