words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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