why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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