you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
