he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
