He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
