my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
