dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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