Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Houston, we have a squirter
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
