I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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